I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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