Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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