Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
