Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
