he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
