Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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