some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
