Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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