So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
