I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
