i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
