it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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