My Higher Power is John Stamos
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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