He kissed a someone with a penis
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
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Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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