My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
