Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
