Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
