I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
