Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
