He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
