addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
