this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
