there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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