Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
