I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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