chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
my poor anus
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
