Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
