I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
