life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
