dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
