New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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