that's an acceptable place to lick
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
