so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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