peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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