I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Everything about him screamed your future.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
