just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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