I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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