glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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