Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
