I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I understand Curling. That high.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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