considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
