after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
