I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
