I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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