I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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