Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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