Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
