Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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