dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize