How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
