batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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