I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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