Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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