If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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