NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
