They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
