so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
