I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
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I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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