if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
