how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the day after is always just damage control
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
