I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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