Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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