just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
