Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
