Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
