Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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