When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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