why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
