I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
