Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
