So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
