My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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