he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
wow bdsm is so cute
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
