4 words: hood of his car
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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