Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
